Things I Have Decided I am Too Old To Care About

I try to be hip. I really do. I fail miserably at it most of the time, but I do try.

If I can't be hip, I at least like to know what it is the "kids" as into these days. I have to say that I have done pretty well. I have a Facebook account, an iPod, a cell phone with a "ring-tone", I know how to text, I can work a DVR, and now I even know how to blog. Kinda.

I have been able to keep up with the hip new music. I have on my iTunes Vampire Weekend, The Killers, Death Cab For Cutie, M.I.A., Feist, Kayne West, tons of "non-old" acts.

I watch shows on MTV, VH1, Comedy Central, and FX. I visit websites like Defamer and Perez Hilton. I know what it going "on", and its exhausting. Really it is.

Yet in all of my trying to keep in the know, some things have escaped me. There are things that are apparently "important" and I have no idea what they are. Its not that I don't KNOW, I just honestly, don't care. Its just too much to care about.

So I thought I would compile a list of these things, just to get them out of the way. I wish them all well, but if they disappeared tomorrow, I could really care less.

1. The Jonas Brothers. Who the hell are these guys? And why am I supposed to care? I can't tell them apart. At least Hanson has the three brothers in different sizes. I knew the little one was the drummer. But these guys, I don't know who is who, what instrument they play if they even play one. And they are every where. Yet I have never heard a song, so I don't even know if their music is something I can just dismiss as being bad or not. Its very frustrating. And they are now officially written off.



2. The Hills / Spencer and Heidi. This one truly puzzles me. I have never seen an episode. But what I gather is they are all rich and used to be on Laguna Beach, which was like a reality version of THE O.C., which I did watch. But then I hear its not a reality show, its fake, but its real. I don't know. All I know is that Heidi, Spencer and LC are every where. On magazines, on Letterman, on Perez Hilton... its endless. And from what I gather they do NOTHING, except... be in magazines, and on their reality show which actually isn't isn't a reality show. So I officially wash my hands of them.

1. High School Musical. So this is like Grease, except everyone is Olivia Newton John's character? And the crux of the plot is that this Zak kid is in love with the girl who plays his girlfriend in real life. But he is torn between being a star athlete and being the lead in the yearly musical. So basically he is a popular kid, with a hot girlfriend, who is torn between being popular and SUPER POPULAR. Wow what a hardship. Brings a tear to my eye. How do kids even relate to this? And why don't the other kids on his sports team, kick his ass for being in a musical? That is what happens in real life. Forget it, I'm done.


2. Adult Swim. I used to watch this. Then I quit doing drugs... on a regular basis. When I watched it had Space Ghost and Aqualab. Those shows were pretty weird. Now they got shows about a meatball and thing of fries that hang out. I guess it makes sense to stoners. But I'm not gonna waste my time on it.



3. Vampires. This one is controversial, cause I have never cared about vampires. Ever. My worst offense in this regard, I do not hold "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" as some sort of genius. Confession: I never watched it. I am sure it was a good show, very well done, well acted and so on. But I don't give a shit about vampires, so I never watched it. I had a guy in a bar one night scream at me about this, and all I could say was "Calm down, its just a TV show." Which only made him scream louder.
   
   So yeah... don't care about Twilight, or True Blood, or the Anne Rice books. The vampire thing, I don't get why people like it. My only clue is an article I read that said people are fascinated by vampires, because they are the only supernatural creatures that can fuck. That makes a certain amount of sense. Cause lets face it sex with zombies or werewolves or Frankenstein, would kind of suck. Guess that leaves vampires. And maybe my perception is too tied to the old Bela Lugosi get up. Either way, they can bone whomever they want, I'm through with vampires.

I am sure there will be many more "these kids today" moments in the years to come. But for now I can officially not waste my time trying to understand these 5 things. And I got to tell you that is quite a relief.

Hey I only said "fuck" once... damn just said it again...

Sorry Mom

Jason