I Hate Myself: Who wins in Star Wars vs Star Trek

Remember that episode of South Park, where Cartman says he can't hear any part of Styx's Sail Away, because he always has to sing the rest of it. Well that is where I am in the oldest of Dork Arguments... Star Wars Vs. Star Trek.

I hate this debate not because I have a particular side or anything. What I hate about it, is that every once and a while some idiot fanboy will bring it up and then I, like Cartman, have a Pavlovian need to participate. STUPID FAN BOYS!

I get dragged into it every time. Always! Because I am a Star Wars fan and have a passing knowledge of Star Trek, at least enough to hold my own in a debate. So my mind starts working and trying to unravel the question that I may have the answer to. WHY GOD WHY?!

See when Star Wars vs Star Trek debate is brought up, it is important to remember what are we talking about here. Not the pop culture influence. Not the amount of money made on merchandising. Not how much money the movies have made. No, these arguments are made up of imperial data that could be easily Googled and a winner could be declared. No when dorks debate Star Wars vs Star Trek, their area for the debate is: "Who would win in a fight"? IDIOT FAN BOYS!

That's right. If the universes were combined and Captain Kirk challenged Han Solo to a fight at the Creature Cantina or The Enterprise was caught in the Death Star's tractor beam, "Who would win?"

SO... F-ING... STUPID....

... FIGHTING SO HARD....

... BUT VADER HAS A LIGHT SABER AND THE FORCE...

... BUT SPOCK HAS THE VULCAN NERVE PINCH....

ASSHOLE FAN BOYS!!!

FINE! I GIVE IN!

Star Wars wins. Star Wars has the fucking DEATH STAR, OKAY! It blows up planets. PLANETS! And yes I know it can easily be destroyed by a photon torpedo in an exhaust port no bigger than two meters. And yes, I know that Spock, Data and Picard are smart and that The Enterprise's targeting computers are very precise, or that The Borg could reconfigure their shields to repel any sort of energy blast. BUT IT BLOWS UP PLANETS!

IT BLOWS UP PLANETS, END OF STORY!

EARTH, VULCAN, ROMULUS, CARDASIA, ALL GONE! BECAUSE THE DEATH STAR BLOWS UP PLANETS, AND IT IS RUN BY A HALF-HUMAN, HALF-MACHINE PSYCHOPATH, SO EVIL THAT HE CUT HIS OWN KID'S HAND OFF!

There... peace at last...

I hate myself so much now....

Jason