GHOST RAIDERS - EPISODE 9

Episode 9 - "Pretty Woman"
Jack uses the information Liz has gathered to get closer to Hoff's Wife. The ghost seriously attacks a member of the team.




Remember all of The Ghost Raiders Episodes can be found at http://www.theghostraiders.com/ or on our YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/TheGhostRaiders

Yo Joe! Cover Girl Deserved Better!

Welcome to G.I. Joe! Your code name is “Cover Girl”. You work for a super secret military force made up of the finest operatives from around the world. You don’t ask to join, we ask you. To be a member you have to be the best of the best of the best. Your position? Secretary. Yo Joe!

So yeah I saw G.I. Joe over the weekend. I won’t bore you with a review. Its one of those movies where if you think about it, it makes less and less sense. Actually what I was struck by was not so much the main characters, but the supporting characters. Try watching a James Bond or Star Wars movie and remember that each of the Villain’s henchmen, had a mother and a father and maybe a wife and kids somewhere. Imagine some poor Stormtrooper who took that job on the Death Star because he didn’t finish high school and got some poor girl on Hoth pregnant. Kinda makes James Bond or Luke Skywalker look like assholes.

Well that is the way I felt about poor Courtney Kreiger code name Cover Girl in G.I. Joe. Here is back story:
“Prior to joining G.I. Joe, Cover Girl was a highly successful fashion model from Peoria, Illinois who graced the covers of countless magazines, but she found the world of modeling unfulfilling and joined the army to seek out new challenges in life.”

And her new life of adventure… Dennis Quaid’s fucking secretary. So let me get this straight… She had a job where people only cared about her looks. She wants to make a difference in the world so she joined the army. She gives up a life of relative ease. Joins the army, goes through boot camp, graduates at the top of her class, and then…. She get asked to join a super secret military group, G.I. JOE and order office supplies

Does she get to fly all the cool planes? Does she get to use any of the cool gadgets like the invisible suit? Does she get to fire any of the cool space age weapons? No, she gets to go into Dennis Quaid’s office every ten minutes and figure out why he can’t open his e-mail.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?

Here is Cover Girl’s average day:
COVER GIRL: How was the mission Duke?
DUKE: It was good. We used the new laser jet to destroy Cobra’s nanotech missiles. What’d you do?
COVER GIRL: Oh I sync’d up General Hawk’s iPhone with his Microsoft Outlook. Then I sorted the mail.
DUKE: Well we were gonna get some beers? Wanna come?
COVER GIRL: Sorry, I have a lot of expense reports to file.

G.I. Joe has women on it’s team, so its not like they are a sexist organization. If all women in GI Joe were secretaries that would be different, but they aren’t. Apparently Scarlett's evaluation was that she would be good with a laser cross bow. Cover Girl’s evaluation apparently went like this:
“Cover Girl huh? Guess her cover can be as a model that infiltrates fancy dinner parties.”
“I don’t know… Have you seen she types 90 words a minute?”

Poor thing. This is her life of adventure, a desk job. A desk job in the desert, so she can’t even go outside. Talk about your poor career choices. She should use her military combat training to kick the crap out of her high school guidance counselor. At least then she would get to use some of it.

And to add insult to injury… She gets killed in the first attack on the G.I. Joe headquarters while asking Dennis Quaid to sign some papers. She gets stabbed, no lie, through the heart and through her clipboard. It’d be poetic if it were not so sad.

Cover Girl, you deserved better. You at least deserved something better to defend yourself than a clip board and Bic pen.

At least Cover Girl you will be spared being in the sequel, and having to pick up Dennis Quaid’s dry-cleaning.

R.I.P. Cover Girl

Jason

My Apologies To Dan Harrison. It’s A Blog Not A Diary.

This is something I have to remind myself. Having had a blog now for 8-9 months, I get myself into the mindset sometimes of “Ooh I should blog about that”. This has sort of become my outlet for the hot button topics buzzing around my head.

I have found that writing an entry usually revolves around my being irritated or mad about something. Or I am just shamelessly plugging something. But when I am not shilling, yes, if I am blogging about it, I am probably pissed.

Because I have to be “mad” to write one, there has to be an awful lot of editing going on. I recently was going through some drafts of things I had started and didn’t for what ever reason didn’t finish. Glad I did. Seems like in my fury to write a blog, I didn’t THINK first. Wow there was a lot of stuff I was like… “Whoa, you were going to post that on the internet?!”

I usually try not to use anyone’s name, except mine. Of course if you know me, you know who my girlfriend, father, sister and so on are anyway. But in my fantasy world, “strangers” read this and I like to keep their potential embarrassment to a minimum. Along those same lines though, I didn’t bare in mind that my regulars might also recognize some other people in my life. Luckily I had some sense and didn’t publish them on the internet.

As Tina Fey once said to Alanis Morissette “Just because it’s in your journal, doesn’t mean it’s a song.” Well that is advice I need to remember to follow. And to remind myself what could have happened, here is a list of just the headlines of blogs I wrote in my anger that luckily I did not post. I have replaced the names of people in my life with the name of someone I have never met and do not know of “Dan Harrison.”

FUCK YOU DAN HARRISON!!

NEWS FLASH: MY DAN HARRISON IS AN IDIOT.

IF YOU FIND DAN HARRISON DEAD TOMORROW I DID IT! AND HERE IS THE REASON WHY!!

EAT SHIT AND DIE DAN HARRISON!!!

I CAN’T BELIEVE DAN HARRISON IS SO STUPID SHE DOESN’T KNOW HER BOYFRIEND IS GAY!!

SCANDAL: DAN HARRISON IS FUCKING DAN HARRISON!!! OMG!!!

THEY ARE GONNA FIRE DAN HARRISON TOMORROW AND HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW.

IF DAN HARRISON DOESN’T TELL HIS GIRLFRIEND HE GOT HERPES FROM THAT STRIPPER, I WILL.

I HATE ALL FOUR OF DAN HARRISON’S KIDS, BUT I ESPECIALLY HATE HIS MIDDLE CHILD, DAN HARRISON.

JUST GAVE A LOAN TO DAN HARRISON. THAT IS $50 BUCKS I WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN!!

GRANDPARENT AT 36! NICE PARENTING DAN HARRISON.

PALIN OVER OBAMA?!? I AM ASHAMED I SHARE DNA WITH DAN HARRISON

THAT’S IT!! I AM TELLING DAN HARRISON THAT DAN HARRISON IS STEALING FROM THE COMPANY.

I BLAME MY FARTS ON DAN HARRISON’S DOG.

I CAN’T BELIEVE DAN HARRISON WENT HOME WITH DAN HARRISON!!

IS DAN HARRISON RETARDED OR DID HIS PARENTS JUST DROP HIM ON HIS HEAD?

SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS?!? DAN HARRISON IS SUCH A SLUT!!

PLEASE STOP TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE, ESPECIALLY THE PART ABOUT HOW YOU FUCKED MY DAN HARRISON!

WHAT KIND OF IDIOT BURNS THROUGH THEIR PAYCHECK TO BUY COKE? ANSWER: DAN HARRISON.

I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE MITIGATING CIRCUMSTANCES, DAN HARRISON IS A RAPIST!

LIFE COULD BE WORSE. I COULD BE DAN HARRISON!

Wow it feels so good to get all that off my chest and off my blog. I just need to be more careful. Take some time and just think these things through, before I go off and write some embarrassing about… Dan Harrison.

Jason

D-Bag of the Week - Ryan O'Neal

Well I apparently was worried for nothing. I wanted to make D-Bag of the week a weekly feature, and I foolishly was worried that I would not be able to find someone to top last weeks inaugural winner Jon Gosselin. Then the week began and we got our new winner or (wiener)

RYAN O’NEAL

Anyone read this Vanity Fair thing on Farrah Fawcett? Good lord. People of a certain age like Ryan O’Neal. I think I saw Paper Moon, when I was a kid and I liked the little girl in it better than him. Come to find out the little girl would grow up to be train wreck Tatum O’Neal.

Farrah really got the shaft when she died. First of all she died the same day as Michael Jackson. So while Michael got 24/7 coverage, she was sort of reduced to a footnote. Now to add insult to injury all the stories coming out of her last days revolve more around Ryan O’Neal. In the Vanity Fair spread her picture is right next to a new picture of sixty eight year old, Ryan O’Neal with his shirt off. Really? Benefit of the doubt, sure they probably asked him to do it. But also he didn’t say “No, that would be gross”, did he.

To me, it seems like, with all the publicity he has gotten lately, Ryan seems to think that his long time girlfriend and the mother of one of children dying, was just the sort of boost his career needs. You’d just think he’d use it to make himself at least SOUND like a better person than he is. And by they way if this IS the good stuff, imagine the things he didn't say. Between getting into a fist fight with his son Griffin while Farrah was on her death bed, or blaming his break up with Farrah on her going through menopause or Farrah catching him in bed on Valentine’s Day with another woman, there is plenty in this article to warrant Ryan O’Neal getting the D-Bag of the Week award. At the very least he was eligible for the less prestigious “Stay Classy, Ryan O’Neal” award. There was one part of this article that put him over the top…

A story from Farrah’s funeral from the article:
“I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me,” Ryan told me. “I said to her, ‘You have a drink on you? You have a car?’ She said, ‘Daddy, it’s me—Tatum!’ I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it’s my daughter. It’s so sick.”

Let’s examine what is wrong with this...

• You are hitting on a woman at the funeral of your long time girlfriend and mother of one of your children.
• You are hitting on a woman at the funeral of your long time girl friend and mother of one of your children after you “… had just put the casket in the hearse”!
• You are hitting on a woman you thought was SWEDISH(?) at the funeral of your long time girl friend and mother of one of your children.
• You confused a woman’s genuine show of affection as some sort of signal that she wanted to sleep with you, at the funeral of your long time girlfriend and mother one of your children.
• You didn’t recognize the woman you were hitting on at the funeral of your long time girlfriend and mother of one of your children’s funeral, was your DAUGHTER.

But probably the most egregious… the woman you were hitting on was TATUM O’NEAL. Anyone who has read 3 pages and the book jacket of Tatum’s book “A Paper Life”, knows that is a pile of crazy you don’t want to get within 100 yards of. She was too much of a hot mess for John McEnroe. That's right, crazy ass John McEnroe, said “That is too much crazy for me. I am out.”

Tatum’s response: “That’s our relationship in a nutshell,” She sighed. “It had been a few years since we’d seen each other, and he was always a ladies’ man, a bon vivant.”

Bon vivant? No Tatum, he is not a Bon vivant…

He’s a douche bag.

Jason

GHOST RAIDERS - EPISODE 8

Episode 8 - "Vetch-Lau"
Jack delves deeper not only into the mystery surrounding the ghost haunting Hoff's Wife's house, but Hoff's Wife as well. Extreme measures are proposed in an attempt to get rid of the ghost possessing Gary.

This weeks episode also features "The Funkiest Ghost" performed by Before Dawn. Find out more about Before Dawn at http://www.beforedawnband.com/



Remember all of The Ghost Raiders Episodes can be found at http://www.theghostraiders.com/ or on our YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/TheGhostRaiders

GHOST RAIDERS - SERIES 2 BEGINS

Episode 7 - "I-9"
The Ghost Raiders are about to embark on the ghost find of their careers. But they find much more than ghosts at their new location

Remember all of The Ghost Raiders Episodes can be found at http://www.theghostraiders.com/ or on our YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/TheGhostRaiders

D-Bag of the Week: Jon Gosselin

I think I want to try and make this a regular feature. Honestly there are enough D-Bags out there, to warrant it. But the honor for the first is for the “Star” of Jon and Kate Plus 8:

Jon Gosselin

So how did Mr. G get this great honor? Let’s get started.

I am a long time former viewer of Jon and Kate Plus 8. Two summers ago, I was at a loss of what to watch on TV. Then I discovered “Babies” as my girlfriend and I referred to the show. It was a simple enough show, a Type-A mother, her put upon husband, 7 adorable kids and Hannah. It was set in suburbia, and there were a lot of shows about how to do normal things with 8 kids.

But then things changed and the normal things turned into moving into a million dollar house, free trips around the country and Emeril cooking at their house. But the thing that anchored the show, aside from my dislike of Hannah, was what a belittling, pain in the ass, Kate was.

I felt sorry for Jon. I mean in some episodes he could not even breathe correctly as far as Kate was concerned. (This is not hyperbole. There actually was a segment where Kate bitched about Jon breathing too loud.) So when he was photographed hanging out in bars with 22 year old girls, well… I won’t say I saw that coming. Let’s just say I was not surprised the “storybook” romance was over.

So what happened? How did I go from feeling bad for Jon to giving the honor of D-Bag of the week? Well since the uber-publicized split of the Jon and Kate, the news about what the two of them has been up to could not be more different.

Both of them have made pledges about doing what is right by their kids. So we see paparazzi photos Kate in a bikini at the beach and around their house with the eight kids. Even if the stories are about Kate beating the crap out of one (which I am sure the evil mastermind Hannah was truly behind anyway); at least the stories take place with her at with the kids.

But Jon… he is in New York getting a place at Trump. He is in France with his girlfriend talking about starting a clothing line. He is breaking up with a 22 year old because she doesn’t like the media attention. He “might” be dating some woman who quit her tabloid job. And now the kicker, in regard to being with his kids:

“I'm really looking forward to it – to turning my phone off, playing with my kids in the pool and being the dad.”

Well Jon… Don’t you think you could have been doing this all along?

Kate may not be June Cleaver. She may even be cheating with her bodyguard / personal trainer. But at least she is there. Where have you been? Well that is pretty easy to establish, you have seen to it that your get your picture taken in a designer T-shirt almost every day. But the answer to that question is “not with your kids”. If you enjoy “being a Dad” so much maybe you could cancel that next trip to the Hamptons to hang out with Michael Lohan.

Ya Douche Bag!

Jason