Texas vs Florida

I will be honest, I have not had much use for Texas since the TV show Dallas was cancelled in 1991. God I loved that show, well not after Pam was “killed”. I mean it was okay, but Pam and Bobby belonged together. Stupid Victoria Principal. But I digress.

Not to mention Texas was the state that let George W. Bush forget he was born and raised in Maine, and then elected him Governor. That then gave him the foolish idea he could be President. So yeah Texas, you have been on my shit list for the last 10 years.

So Texas now has this new Governor Rick Perry who a few weeks ago said that Texas should secede because he didn’t want any stimulus money. Which is fine with me since Dallas is not on the air anymore. He quickly changed his tune when the Swine flu broke out and wanted some of the government stock pile of Tamaflu. Fine, Rick Perry thinks about the Federal government the same way I do about GOD. We both don’t believe until we need something. (A shout out to God for that parking spot last week. It was raining and we both know that long walk to Taco Bell would have sucked. )

So today I am on reddit.com, and it has THREE crazy Texas stories.

1. 7-year-old Texas boy dies as after being shot in mistaken trespass.
2. Rape victims in Texas receive delinquent bills from hospitals for their own rape kits.

AND

3. Texas: Doomed

The last one is about how Rick Perry has chosen Don McLeroy as the Chairman of the Texas Board of Education. Some of Mr. McLeroy’s career highlights…

• Was on the Bryan county school board
• Strong stands on evolution and sexual abstinence
• Voted against current high school biology books because of their failure to list weaknesses in the theory of evolution.

So possible Secessionist governor Rick Perry has appointed to the Board of Education someone who does not believe in Science. Isn’t that sort of like electing someone President who does not believe in the Constitution… oh wait… that happened. That Jackass was from Texas too.

And I should be mad, I really should. But this comes after so much Texas retardation that I get sort of numb to it. Of course the secessionist Governor appointed a creationist to the Board of Education. Of course Texas is making rape victim pay for the kits used to prove they were raped. Of course some idiot with a gun, shot a SEVEN year old because he thought he was trespassing. Of course a Texas oil man started a war in the middle east to drive up the price of oil… no wait that was Dallas… and real life… WEIRD!

No, I know who should be pissed, FLORIDA. That is right. FLORIDA. Aside from Disney, and beaches, and awesome weather, until 2000 Florida had no other claim to fame. Then came Bush / Gore and they got a new thing to be known for: THE MOST BACK-ASSWARDS STATE IN THE UNION. Well now Texas is taking that title away from you Florida. I say, it’s time to step up your game.

We got 4 more years until another election so you may want to pull out greatest hits to try and win back the title. Go ahead and dust off that shooting abortion doctors thing, or protesting Gay Days at Disney. Just let “the crazy” out and see what happens. Ya know, you haven’t had Federal Marshalls bust down a door looking for a 7 year old Cuban Refugee since Clinton, how about that? That’s got kids, people love kids. What has Catherine Harris been up to? I am sure whatever it is, it’s crazy.

I am just saying Florida, you are better than this. You can’t just wait for Texas to secede so you can be back on the bottom again. You need to be pro-active. How about not prepare for a hurricane? You can afford to lose Tampa. Seriously, will ANYONE miss Tampa? No one will miss Tampa. NO ONE.

Just kick it around, see what you can come up with. I just hate to see Texas treat you like J.R. used to treat Cliff Barnes. Now if you will excuse me, a re-run of Dallas is on. It’s the one where J.R. withholds Jock’s heart medication. GOD I loved that show.

Jason