I hurt my heel this weekend. Not sure how. I got a haircut and walking back to my apartment it started hurting. It's weird but I am old, and well crazy things happen when you get old.My thought this morning was I should call into work. Mostly cause most mornings I look for a reason to call in and usually never have one.
But my calling in is a little more difficult because my company HAS heard every excuse in the book. It has heard every excuse, because they used to employ Drunk Guy.
Drunk Guy worked here a few years back. Somehow he got loaded between the time he got off the train until we walked in the door. He smoked like a chimney, horded soda, drank Vodka from a Gatorade bottle and saved meat juice. He did all this at work. He once was so wasted he wrote out his resignation and offered it to the President of the company, who for some reason refused it. Makes you wonder who was crazier.
Drunk Guy trained me, so its amazing I knew enough to keep my job, but I have. I started in June of 2005, and between June and Labor day he did not work a full week. At least one day a week he called in and each excuse was crazier than the next. It was amazing, mostly that he wasn't fired before he actually was. By the way, he did work a full 30 days without calling in, a fact he bragged about. "I can't believe they passed me over [for a promotion]. I was here every day last month". He then called in "sick" on the 31st day.
Here are some of his best excuses:
- I had to refill my mother's air tanks
- I got the runs.
- I have a headache and I just can't imagine looking at a computer screen all day
- My navy buddy showed up at Midnight with a six pack
- My neighbor let her dogs out at the same time as mine.
- I gotta go to rehab (he was only gone for 5 days)
- I'm moving and my movers didn't show up.
- My cousin was in a car crash (found out later, this wasn't true)
- My relatives are coming into town and they aren't here yet
"I am too drunk to come into work today"
By the way he was still employed here for another 3 months after that.So my piddly little "I got a strange heel pain", is just not up to snuff. Not nearly good enough. I will have to try harder.
Drunk Guy set the bar very high.
Jason
Jason, its Austin. I too had the privelage of working with Drunk Guy. Remember when he would print out crazy news stories and leave them on my chair at work as a token of his affection? Or the day he had to leave because Katie's perfume was offensive. Um..yeah. I remember he would always come over have a story about the "pits (the dogs) and "mother"" I can't believe you are still in that place and you even had a second thought about calling off. Remember the other guy smoking crack in the stairwell, printing off 1000's dollars of checks, passing out in the bathroom, stealing computers...and um, was he ever REALLY fired? I think he quit and Greg begged him to come back. I should have stayed. Shit. I should have stayed. What a circus.
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