Can’t We Just Say “The Movies Suck"?

I hate this. I was reading an article called “Sequel Fatigue: Are Movie Watchers Getting Tired Of The Same Old Story?” it is one of numerous articles out now about, as one anonymous studio executive put it:

“There very well could be some burnout with moviegoers, who are looking for something new and fresh.”

This has all come about because Sex in the City 2 has not done as well as the studios had thought it would. Yes people didn’t go see Sex in the City 2 because they don’t like sequels. I am sure it has nothing to do with four late forty-somethings looking ridiculous drinking and gallivanting around in a country where it is legal for a man to beat his wife and Dubai. Why can’t we all just say the real reason why not that many people saw it… it looks like it a bad movie.

It reminds me of the summer of 2003 when Finding Nemo and Pirates of the Caribbean came out. I read an article where a similar anonymous studio executive explained that the reason those movies did so well, its that “moviegoers really like movies about water” Not that those movie were better or more entertaining. Nope, people just like movies about water. As if there was some Pavlovian response to seeing a commercial for a film with water in it, and running to the theaters to see what ever the hell it was. Kevin Costner should have saved Waterworld until 2003, he could have made a killing apparently.

Now I preface this with saying I am not the target audience for Sex in the City 2, but I saw the trailers and honestly, it looked bad. It looked stupid. The running joke when ever I or one of my friends saw the trailer was “Oh look they made a Golden Girls movie.” (R.I.P Rue McClanahan). And yes while I am not the target audience, I have a fiancé, she has friends, and none of them wanted to see it either. And the reason why has nothing to do with hating movies with titles that include a number at the end. It had to do with… IT LOOKS LIKE A BAD MOVIE.”

And here is the other dirty little secret no one likes to admit. Movies have gotten expensive. We saw Shrek 4 last weekend, and it costs $22 bucks and we didn’t even see the 3D version. (Those are $15 a piece.) What used to be a way to kill a couple hours during the day, has now become an investment. If I am gonna sink that much money into something, it only stands to reason, I want a good return on my investment. Why would I “waste” my money on something I do not have to do and I am not going to enjoy? If I am gonna pay to see a movie, I want a sure thing.

Ironic because the "sure thing" is why we get the never ending cavalcade of sequels, reboots and remakes. Because if you are an Anonymous Studio Exec that is going to sink 150 million into a movie, again you want a good return on your investment. Anonymous Studio Exec thinking before was "People only like what they know..." now its "People only like new and fresh..." Oh why can't people make up their mind! Life must have been so much simpler when people only liked movies about water.

Money and the movies look bad are the reasons I don’t see movies in the theaters. I wanted to see MacGuber but I heard it was bad, and I didn’t want to waste the money. People told me Robin Hood was no good, so I didn’t waste my money seeing that. Prince of Persia, Marmaduke and Just Wright all look God awful, so I probably won’t pay to see those either. And movies I am curious about like Get Him to the Greek or Splice… well they will be on Netflix in 3 months, and that only cost me 10 bucks a month.

So in response to the Anonymous Studio Exec, the reason I am not seeing movies is not because I want something "new and fresh". Don’t get me wrong that would be nice. The reason I am not seeing movies in the theater is because I can order a pizza and watch Netflix for what it costs to go see a movie in a movie theater. And…

Your Movies Suck.

Jason

Thank You, A.O.Scott. Now I Understand the Tea Baggers.

I had a strange epiphany this weekend. I was watching my Sunday morning shows, and on between "Meet the Press" and MSNBC’s all day Dateline Murder Mystery Marathon, was a little show called “At the Movies”.

Now this was not the show of my youth. That show had Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert on it, and I watched it mostly to see them disagree. Well Gene Siskel is no longer with us and Roger Ebert now just does print. (Which if you get a chance, read him, he’s brilliant.) So now “At the Movies” is populated by A.O Scott from the New York Times and Michael Phillips from the Chicago Tribune. Both good critics, but they don’t have the fire of Siskel and Ebert.

Anyway, I tuned in because they were going to review a movie I was thinking of seeing, “Kick-Ass”. They hated it. They also hated “The Joneses” and “The Perfect Game”, two movies I had only slightly heard of. The only one they liked was a foreign film called “The Secret In Their Eyes”. Now “The Secret In Their Eyes”, you have never heard of, and after this you will probably never hear of it again. It’s a film from Argentina, without Penelope Cruz, or Antonio Banderes. It won a lot of awards including the Oscar for Best Foreign Language film. It has everything that serious film critics love.

Now I am sure it is a great movie, but I was sitting there going “Really?” I don’t think that “Kick-Ass” is the second coming or anything. But on a show reviewing movies for the general population, the only one you like is the obscure foreign language film. What you didn’t like was the brightly colored, ultra violent popcorn film made for the masses. Made for, dare I say, AMERICANS. REAL AMERICANS.

It made start thinking of Film Critics, and how they generally don’t like the sort of mass produced loud blockbuster films with lots of explosions and robots that turn into trucks. They seem to favor smaller films. Films that make you think or worse read. Films that are not made in America. These critics are sort of elitists. They are the intelligentsia telling us, regular Americans that our movies about blue people on another planet are not as good as THEIR movies. Ya know, THEIR movies, the ones we don’t want to see, because we don’t like to read. (Unless they are Kung Fu movies and we really don’t care what they are actually saying anyway.)

And why don’t they like OUR movies? Why aren’t our movies good enough for them? I’ll tell you why. These elitists films critics think they know better than us due to their years of “experience” and extensive “knowledge” of films and film making. And now on shows like “At the Movies” and in the liberal New York Times, they are trying to recommend, nay SHOVE their movies down our throats. Some of these movies, I have read on the internet, are from socialist countries. That is right, socialism. Film critics = socialism.

So Tea Baggers, I get it now. I am awake for the first time. I am tired of having these elite socialists shove their film agendas down my throat, with their complex characters and interesting stories. If I wanted to see a foreign film, I would just wait until it is remade in America, with an American cast, and most likely Ashton Kutcher. No, I am an American, and in AMERICA we only watch movies where things blow up, and people eat poop. And I am not going to have some group of elitists and their films panels tell me I shouldn’t. It’s my God given right to waste my money on movies where all the good parts are in the trailer. It’s in Constitution, which was written on July 4^th, 1776.

It’s time to take our country back from these film elites. Am I saying A.O. Scott is like Hitler? Not that I would ever admit if cornered by a respected journalist. But A.O. Scott is an elite, and he recommends movies from socialist countries. If the Tea Party Movement has taught us anything, you become like Hitler if you are a socialist, and you become a socialist anytime you embrace something from a socialist country, like universal health care. That is not just me, that is science, which I don’t believe in because I am a Christian. I also have on good authority A.O. Scott was born in Kenya. Is there any documentation saying he was? No, but there is also not any documentation saying that we was not, that I would believe.

Sure, there were movies in the past that these elite film critics recommended that I saw and liked. Also there were huge summer blockbusters that they told me were bad and they were much worse than they said. But I don’t remember that, because I choose not to and it does not serve my argument.

So let’s get this revolution started. Let’s get Real Americans reviewing films. Let's get people reviewing films that have no extensive knowledge of film. Let’s get rid of the people who don’t like a performance, because it is clichéd or dishonest. Let’s get people who like a performance because the lead actress is “hot” and male lead “kicks ass”. Let’s get rid of the people who dislike a movie because the CGI is distracting, and there is no story. Let’s get more people who recommend a movie because “that part where the two dudes were fighting was kinda cool.”

With that Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland” will sweep the Oscars. Not because it was the best film of the year, but because the masses liked it. And if Taylor Hicks winning "American Idol" taught us anything, it’s that the masses are always right.

Jason

Lee-Jackson-King Day

Recently my sister posed this question: "So how about that Confederate History Month for Virginia?" and I had a response... and then The Daily Show did ten minutes on it.

ROT IN HELL STEWART!!!

So Jon Stewart beat me to the comedic punch and did it much better. Well he didn't beat me to the punch on this... LEE-JACKSON-KING DAY.

You see the Commonwealth of Virginia enacting a Confederate History Month does not surprise me. I lived in Richmond Virginia when I was in high school, and up until about 10 years ago, The South most of my life. I was born in Pensacola Florida, the City of Five Flags. One of those flags is the Confederate. I'm just saying when people in the North joke about how the South is the still fighting the Civil War... well its kinda not a joke.

So Lee -Jackson-King Day was a State holiday celebrated on January 15 until 2000. This was the day that Virginia chose to celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr, who fought and died for Civil Rights and Robert E. Lee and Thomas J. "Stonewall" Jackson, who fought to keep black people slaves.

"Whuh?" You say? "How did that happen?" Here is how it happened.

"Lee Day" created in 1889, and it celebrated Robert E. Lee's birthday on January 19. In 1904 Stonewall Jackson's name was added, creating Lee-Jackson Day. Then in 1983 that dirty liberal President RONALD REAGAN, approved an Act of Congress declaring January 15 to be a national holiday in honor of Martin Luther King. So the Virginia legislature simply combined King's celebration with the existing Lee-Jackson holiday, creating LEE-JACKSON-KING DAY. See how Ronald Reagan screwed up everything?

So yeah, instead of having two holidays, The Commonwealth thought it better to combine a day to celebrate two CONFEDERATE GENERALS with MARTIN LUTHER KING. And the best part? The whole time I lived in Virgina, most people I talked to NEVER SAW THE IRONY IN THAT.

I would say "Isn't it weird we celebrate Martin Luther King Day with Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson?" And the response usually was "No.. Oh... Yeah?" I guess people were just happy to have the day off and didn't really care. I was too, but I did giggle a bit when I was reminded we didn't have to go to school on Monday because it was "Lee-Jackson-King Day."

So that you don't think the Commonwealth is completely in the dark ages, in 2000 Governor Jim Gilmore proposed splitting Lee-Jackson-King Day into two separate holidays. The measure was approved and the two holidays are now celebrated separately. Lee-Jackson Day is celebrated on the Friday before, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and only the state offices are closed. Then on Monday, Virgina celebrates Martin Luther King Day with the rest of us who work for companies that consider it a real holiday and give us the day off. So if you work for the DMV in Virginia, you get a 4 day weekend. But if you work in an office in say... Chicago... you don't get it off.

With that history I am not surprised that Virginia's current Governor McDonnell has enacted Confederate History Month. I mean this is the same state that celebrated Lee-Jackson-King day for 17 years. And normally I would write the state off like Texas or South Carolina (there may be no hope for them). But Virgina can be very progressive. Virgina elected the first black governor in the United States, Douglas Wilder in 1989, back when Barack Obama was still in college. Virgina actually went blue for Obama in the 2008 Election. And then George Allen while running for Senate calls some guy a "macaca" and everything is back up in the air again.

So to answer my sister's question: "So how about that Confederate History Month for Virginia?" I think its a bad idea. I think it is cynical and the Governor is pandering to a group of people who were already upset that Martin Luther King gets a holiday, anyway. People who already proudly display a Confederate flag behind the gun rack of their pick up trucks. You know the people Sarah Palin calls "The Real Americans", the ones who think Obama is from Kenya and that he is going to take away their God given right to FISH.

And I kinda don't get the point. I mean, why would "Real Americans" want a month to celebrate soldiers who fought AGAINST the United States. I don't see a huge want for The British History Month and Virgina was part of England much longer than it was part of the Confederacy. But Governor McDonnell will probably never sign off on a month to celebrate the sacrifices soldiers made in the French and Indian War. Or the brave British soldiers who died fighting AGAINST America in the War of 1812.

Nope this just a cynical Governor pandering for votes after his one term limit is up, and he tries to run for Senator or for Congress. I'd tell these people to wake up, because they are being used. But they wouldn't listen to me, and honestly, I don't care.

Besides who am I to talk, Illinois let former Governor Rod Blagojevich go before he could enact "Prohibition Era Gangster Appreciation Month".

Jason

A Better Class of Trollop

I find myself saying this more and more as I grow older: "Man when I was younger, stuff like this didn't happen." It seems to seep into almost every part of my life. I see something and am amazed/disgusted by it and continue on to the next thing. My current cause for amazement / disgust... Celebrity Affairs.

What has happened to the time honored tradition of a wealthy celebrity husband stepping out on his wife? I have seen Mad Men; there is etiquette to it. The Man steps out on his wife with some beatnik or school teacher, the wife finds out, he sleeps on the couch for a while, but she eventually takes him back because it’s the 1960's and being in a love less marriage beats the social chagrin of being... DIVORCED. Ok maybe Mad Men is a bad example.

Look at Tiger Woods and Jessie James. They follow in the footsteps of a long line of rich guys who cheated on their hot wives. But to me what seems to be different about these two in particular is... well the lack of class of the women they chose. In Jessie's case some crazy tattooed "model" and in Tiger's a series of porn stars and would be actresses. Seriously?

But in the 1960's, John F. Kennedy cheated on Jackie with Marilyn Monroe. MARILYN FRICKIN' MONROE. He didn't throw a rock and sleep with the gnarliest porn star he could find within three blocks. No, he got arguably the hottest woman in the world at that time. In the being unfaithful department, he had a little thing called "class". Tiger and Jessie should look into that, because they are no Jack Kennedy.

Say what you want about Bill Clinton cheating beneath him with Monica Lewinsky, at least Monica kept her mouth shut. These trollups today have turned cheating into a cottage industry. It used to be the only way to be a tramp and be "famous" was to be on VH-1's Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. Now all you have to do is sleep with a married celebrity. There are NEWS outlets, which are willing to pay not only for their stories but copies of their "Texts" and Sexts." It's disgusting.

And do you know who the real victims are here? The women who slept with celebrity husbands prior to Internet gossip sites. Divine Brown, she has to be kicking herself for not waiting until Perez Hilton.com was around to get arrested with Hugh Grant. Heidi Fleiss never had a chance to tell Gawker.com about the number of times Charlie Sheen employed one of her girls. You remember the woman who broke up Michael Douglas's marriage? Neither do I. I can't even Google her. And the reason no one knows her identity is because there was no Access Hollywood in 1993.

Don't get me wrong, I do not feel sorry for and am not defending these scumbags who cheated on their wives. I think they deserve every STD they get. I just hate watching a bad situation made worse when Tiger's Number 8 mistress, sells her voice mail from Tiger to TMZ.

It makes me yearn for the good old days, of cigars and a stain on a blue dress.

And I never thought I would miss that.

Jason

GHOST RAIDERS SEASON THREE FINALE!

Episode 18 - "Revelations". In the Season Three Finale, Jack and the Ghost Raiders take the fight right to the Ghost Hounders. While Jack fights it out with Steve, Gary and Becky find out who has been spying on them, and the surprising identity of the Shadowy Figure behind it all.




And catch up on all of The Ghost Raiders Episodes at http://www.theghostraiders.com/ or on our YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/TheGhostRaiders

AND STAY TUNED FOR SEASON 4

NEW GHOST RAIDERS!! "STATIC"

Episode 17 - "Static". After their once in a lifetime ghost footage is destroyed, Jack ponders the future of Ghost Raiders. Becky tells Gary her secret. The tide turns in Liz and Hoff's favor. Troy makes a discovery that sends Jack into action.

And catch up on all of The Ghost Raiders Episodes at http://www.theghostraiders.com/ or on our YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/TheGhostRaiders

GHOST RAIDERS EPISODE 16 - Their "Biggest Ghost Yet"

Episode 16 - "Revenge of the Turds" After being bested by a rival ghost investigation group, The Ghost Raiders begin to look into possible leaks within their organization. Becky has an idea that may lead The Ghost Raiders to their biggest ghost yet.

And catch up on all of The Ghost Raiders Episodes at http://www.theghostraiders.com/ or on our YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/TheGhostRaiders